POEM: "Dare I Ask?"

Dare I ask…
…when I don’t expect an answer?

But sometimes...sometimes...
asking and knocking leads to unlocking
So I dare.

Here I am, Lord.
A heretical human engaged in honest prayer

Are you a divine creative essence
or are you a created being?
Are you the ageless mystery born of myth?
Or an imaginary thing?

Are you the cosmic ruler of all that is?
The heavenly parent who provides for all our needs?
Or are you an invisible collage of our developing ideals
called upon to justify our deeds?

Are you an anthropomorphic construct
of philosophers and theologians?
A personification of our conscience?

Are you hero to those who suffer…
who continually wait for the deliverance
that they believe you promised?

Are you the otherworldly overseer of golden streets and crystal seas
Supreme object of our eternal adoration

Exorcist of the demonic
Broker of conditional salvation

Director of otherworldly dramas
Shepherd of every bullet gone astray
Vengeful agent of bizarre justice
Puppeteer of nature’s dreadful ways

Are you the psychological patchwork
of projected prejudice and human fear?


Are you even there?
Can you even hear?


Creator, almighty and in control?
Did you make us in your image to till?
Or did we create an image of you
to fill this hole we feel?

We share a desire for security
To be certain of what it is that we can and cannot hold
Trying to make sense out of this life
Your silent shadow seems so cold

I don’t think that I can trust you
A restless soul, I walk this road
I don’t know what to believe
Suspicious of those who speak so bold

Not sure that my scattered thoughts can offer any consolation
to the faithful ones who grieve
For me, prayer feels more like a placebo
yet I pray that I am not deceived

I believe that honesty is holy
Unaware, we feel around and grope
Finding sacred meanings
in whatever helps us cope

I believe that honesty is holy
Unaware, we feel around and grope

I’m not sure that I believe in heaven
but I still believe in hope

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A prayer for the day

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow."- Mary Jean Irion, poet & author 

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May we take the time to be both mindful and appreciative of the wonders around us (the people, the life-forms, the gifts, and the resources) and the worlds within (our memories, our dreams, our convictions, our concerns, our fears and our hopes). May our souls be receptive to the “still, small voice” inside which continually calls us to bear the fruits of truth, love, wisdom, compassion, courage, growth, peace, integrity, humility, reverence and child-like wonder. May we resist the temptation to worship idols and may we resist the urge to either suppress or deny the good in ourselves and others. May we master ourselves in order to become better servants. With our eyes open to the beautiful and brutal aspects of reality, our ears attentive to the concerns of those with whom we interact, and the courage to face the challenges of the day with a creative, revolutionary and resourceful love.

Amen and may it be so.

My thoughts on prayer

"How one conceives of ultimate reality seems to play a pivotal role in how one views and values the act of prayer."

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Prayer is a foundational practice within many of the world’s most popular religious traditions- from the most literalist to the more mystical strands.

For some traditions, prayer involves the petitioning to a deity (or deities) who is (are) believed to be able to both “hear” and respond to such requests. For these faithful individuals, prayer is often viewed as a two-way conversation where the person praying can both appeal to the deity (or deities) in which they believe and also receive messages from such a deity (or deities).

For other spiritual traditions, prayer is treated more as an act of mindful meditation which helps the individual to both reflect on their thoughts and actions and increase their awareness of the world around them. For many of these individuals, prayer is the act of becoming totally absorbed in what they are doing, be it a mundane task or a pursuit of what one believes to be their calling in life. In this view, prayer is as simple as thinking, reading, eating and walking to the extent that some of these individuals can sense no distinction between a thoughtful way of living and a life of prayer.

How one conceives of ultimate reality seems to play a pivotal role in how one views and values the act of prayer. These conceptions form one's philosophical or theological worldview which is influenced by a variety of factors including one’s personality, culture, upbringing, knowledge, and experience.

In many cases, those who believe in a responsive deity that can miraculously intervene in human affairs will find petitionary prayers to be central to the way they function in life. Throughout human history, these individuals have prayed for rain, food, assistance, alleviation of pain, protection, guidance, deliverance, liberation, comfort and strength. Such individuals possess a worldview that relies heavily on presuppositions rooted in the dualistic view of reality which recognizes both distinction and relationship between the supernatural realm and natural world. Examples of this view of reality include many adherents of Judaism, Islam and Christianity.

In contrast, those who do not believe in the idea of a deity who miraculously intervenes in the natural world will likely rely less on prayer as petition and rely more on it as an exercise in reflective meditation. Many of these traditions which hold such a view of prayer typically do not imagine ultimate reality in the form of a personalized being. Instead, they conceive of ultimate reality as a unified and complicated whole. Such individuals possess a worldview that relies heavily on presuppositions rooted in the monistic understanding of reality as a unified whole comprising of all aspects of the natural universe. Examples of this view of reality include many adherents of Buddhism, Taoism and more Earth-centered or pagan spiritualities. I personally lean more towards this view.

Throughout human history, many enduring questions have arisen concerning the efficacy of prayer as it is such a core practice for many people. What do we really expect to receive from praying? Is there power in prayer? Can our prayers make a difference? Are we praying to a deity (or deities) that can really intervene in human affairs? Did something happen because we prayed for it to happen? Is prayer nothing more than our best guess about an unseen plan set forth by “the creator of the universe”? Or is prayer just a "placebo"* that reduces our anxiety level and provides us with psychological reassurance as we try to function in the midst of an uncontrollable, unpredictable and chaotic universe?

I pray that I find out.

* There have been countless studies done on the power of placebos (which are often sugar pills) and the human mind's ability to convince us of those subjective realities we want to believe. Here is a recent study.

The Quiet

"All travelers, somewhere along the way, find it necessary to check their course, to see how they are doing. We wait until we are sick, or shocked into stillness, before we do the commonplace thing of getting our bearings. And yet, we wonder why we are depressed, why we are unhappy, why we lose our friends, why we are ill-tempered... Who knows? God may whisper to you in the quietness what He has been trying to say to you, oh, for so long a time."
- Howard Thurman, Deep Is the Hunger

I came across this quote from the late Christian mystic and civil-rights activist Howard Thurman today and it spoke to where I am right now in my life. It led me to ask myself: When was the last time I got quiet?

Jesus said that we could know the truth about people by looking at the fruits they are producing in their lives. Well, right now, I’m not satisfied with a lot of the fruit that I've been producing in my life. It is obvious to me that I have not been producing the fruit that comes from spending quiet time in focused meditation and prayer. I find myself overwhelmed by the thought of having too many people to pray for and too many concerns to pray about and ponder upon. I haven’t really prayed as long or as deeply as I would like to, so a lot of things worth praying for have slipped my mind. I’ve also noticed that I have put down many of my talents, gifts and abilities and have not tried to pick them back up. Don’t get me wrong…I've been getting above average grades and I have been doing a lot of studying, but I haven't done enough resting or reflecting. Ironically, while most of the books I am interested in reading are about people’s first-hand experiences and understandings of God, I find that I don’t like to set aside time to seek those experiences for myself. Many of my prayers come in the form of quick thoughts that I fire off while I am distracted by a host of other concerns and priorities. I think a lot, but I haven't been setting aside enough time in quiet solitude to practice mindfulness and increase my awareness so that I can feel deeply. I don’t feel deeply enough the Spirit of God. I don’t feel deeply enough the emotions of others.

Because of this, I have noticed my tendency to widen the distance between myself and my friends. These days, it seems I’d rather be left alone. Nowadays, it takes a lot of energy for me to be around a lot of people, especially those close to me. My friends call me but I only call back when I feel like it, which is rarely. If it wasn’t for my wife’s suggestions that I call certain friends to check on them, I wouldn’t have called them at all. What kind of friend does that make me? I keep a lot of my personal opinions and controversial views to myself for the sake of harmony, but I have grown weary knowing that people barely know me because I only reveal a small percentage of my true self to them. I see that many of my close relationships are suffering because I have grown bitter, resentful, angry and irritated due to bottling up so much of what I want to say for fear of being criticized, rejected, or accused of being a heretic. Maybe I’m frustrated by the fact that humans can’t read minds (that would make it so much easier to communicate). In many ways I feel frustrated and depressed. Maybe I need to get quiet.

It seems that at every waking moment I am in a constant and restless frenzy to fill my mind with noise and information. I can't drive to work without listening to the radio; I can't take a shower without fretting over an anxiety; I can't use the bathroom without having a book or article in my hands; I can't eat my lunch unless I'm making progress on whatever book I'm reading; I can't lay down to sleep at night without reaching for a dictionary or a book of poetry; I can’t sit down on my couch without reaching for the remote or playing on my guitar; I can't concentrate at my job because I'm constantly distracted by incoming e-mails, phone calls and my own tendencies to surf the Internet. It's like my mind can't be still. Even when I do find some quiet time, I immediately start looking for an activity to fill it with. It's almost like I fear being alone with just my thoughts.

A couple of weeks ago I did manage to find some quiet time. After I got off work and before I went to my Thursday evening seminary class, I spent ten minutes sitting outside near the forest behind the seminary I attend. I just sat there to watch and listen. I began pondering a theological question at first, but then I shifted my focus to observe the natural world all around me. I felt like something was drawing me to watch, listen and feel. I sat there breathing in the air that smelled like oncoming rain. I sat there letting my skin absorb the wave-like gusts of the invisible breeze. I sat there trying to listen to the bird songs that competed with the hum, hiss and rumble of airplanes soaring in the sky and cars moving through the streets. I sat there trying to hear how many different bird calls I could distinguish. I sat there pretending those bird rhythms were actually different pieces of a diverse orchestra working together to communicate a song to whoever would surrender their moments to hear it. I sat there attempting to calm my restless mind by looking at the vivid spring-time green of the trees. Ten minutes later, as I got up from my seat, I could feel a current of relaxation and peace coursing through my deepest places.

Ever since that moment, I have yearned for that peace again. When will I experience that calm? I need to get quiet again. What else might I find in those quiet places? Might I find that clarity of purpose that I am looking for? Might I find the One who birthed those purposes in me?