What can I teach when my own views are changing? (Part One)

How do you raise children of faith when your own religious views are evolving? This is a question that increasingly concerns me as my two-year old daughter grows more and more cognizant of the world around her.

You never know what memories will stick with a child into adulthood. It seems to me that children are more likely to remember those things that are consistently repeated and those things that are so bizarre that they are unforgettable. Some of her friends at day care already know how to say their own prayers before they eat and before they go to bed because their parents rehearse this with them every day. Right now, all my daughter can muster is an “A-men!” that she learned that from her babysitter. She doesn’t get to see my wife and I pray at home. I sometimes hover over her as she sleeps in her dark bedroom and meditate on ways my wife and I can be wise in raising and providing for her, but she never sees that.

The thing is…I am hesitant to plant into my daughter’s mind the seeds of a faith that I don’t find convincing. I don’t want to indoctrinate her in fear, insecurity, or insufficiency. At the church we attend, committed Sunday school instructors are currently constructing lesson plans for the younger children. These are the classes that our daughter will most likely be attending in the coming years (unless we find somewhere else to go on Sunday mornings). But, knowing this, some serious questions are beginning to gnaw at me. Will I approve of what they teach her? Will she be indoctrinated with a lot of religious propaganda that will cripple her chances of becoming a compassionate, critical thinker? Will these "Sunday school" lessons end up confusing her or offending her to the point she rejects them completely when she gets older? Will she think I’m a hell-bound heretic if I tell her I don’t believe most of what they teach her?

I wonder if I should I teach her those things that shaped me when I was a child? I wasn't raised in church and I never attended a lot of Sunday school classes when I was younger, but I went to Catholic schools all through elementary. There, Second Vatican-influenced nuns taught us about the character of Jesus and his parables of the merciful Samaritan, the prodigal son, the lost sheep, and the two builders. These teachings played a major role in shaping my thinking regarding ethics, love, forgiveness, and wisdom. I still cherish those stories and they still guide me today. But we were also taught us to memorize creedal statements and the ten commandments (all of which I have either rejected or brought under serious re-examination). How can I pass along the wisdom I gleaned from Jesus' teachings without all of the confusing and incredulous doctrinal claims that often go along with them?

Ultimately, I want to know how (and if) my own spiritual and intellectual journey can help my child. What am I showing her when it comes to a life of faith and reason? As far as religion, she sees us when we go to church every week: I play bass in the church band and my wife sings in the choir. But I’d like to show her that the spiritual life is not limited to Sunday morning rituals and that the intellectual life is not incompatible with spiritual pursuits.

I know that I can and should indoctrinate my child to share and not to shove, but I wonder what I should teach her about “God”? What can I teach her about "God" when my thoughts are constantly changing? I don’t want to teach her myths when she is young only to confess them as being playful deceptions when she gets older (like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny). I don’t want to waste her time like that and dare not erode my credibility in her eyes.

I want my daughter to trust me. I also want her to be able to love people and think for herself. I also want her to be honest, humble, loving, and considerate. I want her to be wise and responsible. I want her to be grateful. I want her to do good. I want her to know how to be resourceful and to commit to finding solutions to the problems she will encounter in life.

Lately, I’ve been trying to cultivate a spirit of wonder in her by making it a priority to take her on regular walks through the woods, letting her pick leaves off of low hanging branches and letting her frolic around on the neighborhood playgrounds playing in the sand and gravel. So far, nature has been a helpful visual aid for teaching her how to identify colors and objects (I recall how often the Gospels portray Jesus teaching lessons based on what he observed in the natural world).

I've also been doing a lot of soul-searching, studying and research- restlessly seeking a way to live in this world so that I can share the truths I find most convincing with her. Perhaps all I can do is teach her by my example and answer any questions she raises with as much honesty as I believe she can handle. Hoping that she too will learn how to search and reach her own conclusions as she grows older.