Writing our own psalms

The psalms of the Hebrew Bible are poetic expressions of faith (and lack of faith) that have comforted, encouraged and sustained billions of faith-filled people for thousands of years. They are a collection of 150 testimonies, praises, laments, odes, and poems. If anything, they are honest. That’s what I appreciate most about them. I don’t agree with many of the Hebrew psalmist’s beliefs about God (and I don’t think that I have to) but I appreciate the fact that these ancient poets were able to articulate their thoughts in such beautiful and often brutally unfiltered forms.

I often wonder what specific situations motivated the creation of these psalms. I wonder what kind of people wrote them. I wonder how they sounded when they were originally recited and sung. It’s amazing to think that these psalms (some of which were probably written in the spur of an emotional or traumatic moment) have been preserved and are still being used over two-thousand years after they were composed.

Sometimes I imagine what a collection of modern-day psalms would look and sound like. Would we include the lyrics of the Negro spirituals and the blues? Would we include copies of the jazz riffs and notes for John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme? Would we include the lyrics of gospel or contemporary Christian praise and worship songs? Would we include the lyrics of Africa’s travelling griots? Would we include the medieval hymns of Europe, the haikus of Asia, or the mystical poetry of the Arabic people? Native American chants? Would we include song lyrics and poetry from artists and 20th century prophets such as Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, Bob Dylan, Billie Holliday, Nina Simone, Joan Baez, John Lennon, Curtis Mayfield, Marvin Gaye, Zach de la Rocha, Miguel Piñero, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Gil-Scott Heron, Oscar Brown Jr., Tracy Chapman or U2?

I would be very interested to see how such a collection might serve people two-thousand years from now. Would future generations read them in ways we wouldn’t even recognize anymore? Would future faith communities strip them of all of their authenticity and sanitize them through translation, reinterpretation and litugical use?

Many faith-filled people read the biblical Psalms with the belief that reading them will draw them closer to the heart of God. But I dare to believe that we can draw even closer to “the divine” by being honest with ourselves and writing our own psalms. Here is a psalm I wrote on the back of a piece of notebook paper while I sat alone in an empty room last Friday getting ready to give a presentation for my day job. I was tired and my mind was flooded with an intense feeling of restlessness.

I am…
Wandering. Wondering. Wavering. Wrestling.

God, if you exist, do what you do.
I won’t ask you for favors on my behalf.
I won’t demand that you act.
I won’t ask you to justify my actions or to baptize my desires.

I find it difficult to ask you to forgive me.
I just know I need to be more faithful to the people around me.

I don’t pray so you will grant my wishes.
I don’t pray that you curse those who disagree with me.
I don’t pray for your presence because, if you exist, no one can escape you anyway.

I only pray for awareness and compassion.
Awareness of who I really am.
Awareness of the creatures that I’m connected to.
Awareness of the ways in which I have brought or can bring blessing or harm to others.

Missing in Action

Allow me to explain why I haven’t blogged in a while. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on my next step in life. But there have also been some really good developments lately.

Career wise: I was recently asked to do some freelance writing for my seminary’s alumni magazine (Hey, it’s a start). This is actually my first paid freelance assignment and I am excited about the thought of a career in writing. So far I have written six articles for them. I’ve also been able to secure quite a bit of media exposure for my church and the ministries that I am somewhat connected to.

Family wise: My grandfather is recovering well from the stroke he had back in May. Also, next week I’ll be helping my younger brother move to Cleveland to live with our mother (who has been clean and sober for the past two years).

I would classify all the above as good things. But the creative energy of my mind has been drained by the following issues:

- Wondering how I fit in my church and in my Christian band when my future with both hinges on how we deal with the fact that my current views about God, Jesus and the Bible are quite different from the majority of members.

- Articulating a written credo to clarify my convictions for both for myself and for those closest to me.

- Wondering if I will have sufficient availability and finances to continue my seminary studies this semester.

- Wondering if the cost of my education is worth the emotional and financial tension it is causing to some of my friends and family members.

- Wondering what career I should pursue considering my interests and abilities (journalism, writing, cartooning, ministry, teaching, travelling artist, etc.)

- Figuring out a plan to move from full-time employee to full-time student by January 2008.

- Trying to balance all of my commitments while also starting back on sketching illustrations and producing artwork.

- Wrestling with the theological and philosophical questions and doubts that constantly invade my thoughts.

- The fact that I haven’t really prayed (or believed in the power of prayer) in months.

Right now, these are the things which worry and overwhelm my mind (although I know Jesus said "don't worry"). But I also can’t help but wonder how different (and pathetic) my list must look compared the burdens that others carry as they try to struggle under the threat of death, sickness, war, poverty and abuse. My concerns must seem trifling compared to theirs, but this is honestly where I am and what I am wrestling with. If my creative energies are being misdirected then I hope that I will grow to focus on issues and causes that are more worthy of my attention. Until then I press on and work with what is before me.

The Risky Path of the Truth-Seeker

I am troubled by what seems to be anti-intellectualism amongst Christians. And Scriptures like Colossians 2:8 (about not being persuaded by deceptive philosophies) are troubling for me. Why? Because my studies indicate that ancient philosophers and theologians are largely responsible for much of what is now considered a mainstream understanding of the Christian faith. Ideas about God being "omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent” are concepts and terms rooted in ancient Greek philosophy. Doctrines like “original sin” and “atonement theory” were born from philosopher/theologians like Augustine and Anselm of Canterbury. Christianity began incorporating these and other philosophies as it spread throughout surrounding cultures.

However, I find it interesting and ironic that- in our modern age- those who claim to live by "biblical principles" also make entensive use of these "philosophical" ideas which have little to no basis in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures. To reference Colossians 2:8, I can definitely see how many of these philosophies have obscured and distorted the life and teachings of Jesus throughout the past two millenia.

It seems that many biblical literalists only want to be informed by those intellectuals, philosophers and scientists whose findings reinforce the doctrines and beliefs that they want to defend. It's like Martin Luther King, Jr. said in his essay, “Tough-Mind, Tender-Heart”:

Soft-mindedness often invades religion. This is why religion has sometimes rejected new truth with dogmatic passion. Through edicts and bulls, inquisitions and excommunications, the church has attempted to prorogue truth and place and impenetrable stone wall in the path of the truth-seeker. The historical-philological criticism of the Bible is considered by the soft-minded as blasphemous, and reason is often looked upon as the exercise of a corrupt faculty…

Yes, using reason is often seen by many Christians as “the exercise of a corrupt faculty.” But why? Many caring Christians fear that if we question too much we will threaten our faith and lose our connection with God. They fear that we will lose belief or our “spiritual foundation.” I have heard them say things like, “I just believe the Bible...I don’t question it…The Bible is always right…The biblical writers were directed by God…If anything is wrong then I must be reading it wrong.”

To the contrary, there are those who desire to follow Jesus but who cannot seem to find encouragement in their congregations to apply critical thinking to their study of the Bible and the traditional doctrines of the Christian faith. I want to follow the essential teachings of Jesus, but not at the expense of abandoning my own ability to think, discern and reason. I don’t want to be forced to accept as literal any mythological stories and abstract doctrines that have proven to be founded on some ancient person’s misunderstanding, personal agenda, or limited knowledge. I don’t want to find myself feeling threatened by scientific discoveries just because they may contradict what I think the Bible says. And I definitely don’t want to damn most of the world’s people to hell because they don’t share a specific set of doctrinal beliefs.

I struggle with the idea that God is displeased when humans think critically about their beliefs. I suspect that many beliefs branded as necessary to the Christian faith are really additions added for various reasons which include control, conquest, categorization, and conversion…not because they were originally part of Jesus’ message.

Yes, I have to be on guard as to not let pride and bitterness consume me, but I have a conviction that seeking the truth is a good thing (although many of us would disagree as to what is meant by "the truth"). I am on a mission to find out what is really essential to the Christian faith…or better yet: what is essential to seeking God and following the way of Jesus (and what is not!).

I understand the concern of church members and I agree that the path of the seeker is a risky path. But I don’t want to fear the truth or any “new truth.” I want to hear different perspectives. I listen in hopes that my ideas about God might be enlarged and enlightened (although many would probably say that I am now "blind" and in the dark). Yes, I have flirted with my own disbelief to the point that a lot of atheists and agnostics make a lot of sense. And I suspect that they will continue to make sense as long as we Christians continue to preach a message that often comes off as irrelevant, ill-founded and outdated.

Maybe I am too skeptical and maybe I have grown too suspicious, but I want to believe that God wants us to exercise discernment and reason. Where do I go from here? I don’t know. But I have faith that I am being guided towards something worthwhile. I am encouraged by the lives of those who went through similar searches for "the truth": Thomas Jefferson, Marcus Borg, Eric Elnes, Alice Walker, Karen Armstrong, Krista Tippett, Martin Luther King, Jr., Thomas Merton, Mohandas K. Gandhi, Malcolm X, James Cone, Bart Ehrman, Thomas Paine, Bishop John Shelby Spong, and Jacques Kriel...to name a few.

I realize that I might be remembered among the most foolish people in history but I also realize that I might be right where I need to be. I still think I am onto something. The scary thing is that my pursuit of truth may cost me more than I ever expected to give. I just pray my journey leaves me with a tough mind and a tender heart.