Coming Out as an Agnostic (Pt. 2): Opening Up Slowly

ACT I

Scene 2:
In the car, on the way to work on a chilly morning, 9:07 a.m.
A discussion from the previous night is revisited during an in-depth telephone conversation between a devout Christian wife and her secretly agnostic husband. The husband calls the wife on her phone after dropping their child off at their daycare provider’s house.

HUSBAND:
“Houston, we have ‘drop-off’.”

WIFE:
“Cool. How did she do?”

HUSBAND:
“She did good. She was a little clingy at first, but once she saw all her friends she was fine.”

WIFE:
“Good. Good...[pause]
You on your way to work now?”

HUSBAND:
“Yeah, I’m about 15 minutes away… [pause]
By the way…Did we really have that conversation last night or did I dream that?”

WIFE:
“Conversation about what?”

HUSBAND:
“I don’t know…something about my iPhone and me not reading the Bible anymore?”

WIFE:
[Giggling]
“Oh yeah…Yes, that was real. That wasn’t a dream.”

HUSBAND:
[Laughing] “Okay. I was about to say... [Regains composure]
Well, I just want you to know that just because I don’t read the Bible like I used to it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about all the time.”

WIFE:
“Really?”

HUSBAND:
“Yeah. I actually have plenty of verses, passages and stories from the Bible that float through my head on a daily basis. I think about them and reflect on ‘em pretty often.”

WIFE:
“For real? I didn’t know that.”

HUSBAND:
“Yeah. I mean….You know I always liked reading the gospel stories about Jesus and his parables. Those are real simple, short stories anyway and the type that you don’t necessarily need to read over and over in order to think deeply about them. I find a lot of wisdom in those stories and, in many ways, their insights still direct me. Some of those stories stick with you...so it’s not like I’ve forgotten them.”

WIFE:
“Oh, okay. That’s good to hear.”

HUSBAND:
“And I’m definitely not an atheist.”

WIFE:
[Pauses before responding]
“Hold on for a second...Hey, I forgot…
I’ve got my mom on the other line.”

HUSBAND:
“Oh? Well, can you tell her you’ll call her back?...This is getting good.”

WIFE:
“Okay, I will. Hold on.”

[insert 15 second pause]

WIFE:
[clicks back over]
“Okay, I’m back...Now, what were you saying?”

HUSBAND:
“Is your mom okay?”

WIFE:
“Yeah, she’s dealing with some serious stuff too. But we can keep talking.”

HUSBAND:
“Cool.”

WIFE:
“Now, back to what you were saying.”

HUSBAND:
“I was just saying that you don’t have to worry. I’m not an atheist…
Being an atheist is too much of an exclamation point for me. I’m more of a…I don’t know…I guess you could say I’m more of a question mark. I’ve got questions about everything. That’s why you tease me for being so nerdy because you always see me reading books, encyclopedias and magazine articles about all kinds of subjects. That’s why my bookshelf is loaded with books on topics like science, mythology, psychology, evolution, history and religion. I’m interested in all of these things.”

WIFE:
“Such a nerd.”

HUSBAND:
[Laughing]
“Well, I’m just exploring all of these topics because I’m trying hard to find out what’s really true and also because- even though I respect them- I just don’t trust a lot of what people say about God and the Bible. I guess I mainly struggle with how and why different people interpret and understand the Bible the way they do. You know what I mean?”

WIFE:
“I feel you.”

HUSBAND:
“I also wonder why different people focus on different aspects of what the Bible says...It’s actually kinda funny when you think about how some of the same people who say they ‘live by the book’ still manage to be pretty selective about which parts of the book they want to apply to their lives. I mean...lots of people stress the part where Jesus says ‘I’m the way, the truth, the life’ but you don't find a lot of people who take Jesus' words that seriously when he says something like ‘sell your possessions and give to the poor.’”

WIFE:
[Laughing]
"Right!”

HUSBAND:
“I mean...Don't get me wrong. We all do it. We each have our favorite parts that mean more to us than others. I know I do...If I had my choice, I’d much rather read the parables of Jesus while some others would rather spend time reading the letters of Paul. It just depends on the person, you know?”

WIFE:
“True, true.”

HUSBAND:
“And- unlike the people living in biblical times- nowadays, we have access to all kinds of writings from cultures all over the world: Native American...Middle Eastern...Asian...African...These writings show how different cultures throughout history understood the world and how they tried to explain those things to their people...Most of them even have their own creation stories and mythologies that they were raised with- just like how many of us were raised with the Bible’s creation story of Adam and Eve.”

WIFE:
“Oh, okay.”

HUSBAND:
“But I also struggle with what people say about God. I mean…you ever notice how many people talk about “God told me this” or “God called me to do that?”

WIFE:
“Yeah. Lots of people say stuff like that. It's kinda like those terrorists who blow up themselves and other people because they believe God told them to to do that. I'm like, ‘Is God telling you to do that or are you doing what you want to do and just saying that you are doing it in God’s name?’”

HUSBAND:
“Exactly! That’s what I’ve been saying! How do you know what’s true unless you investigate? And you hear people say things like this all the time. Pastors- both the liberal and conservative ones- say things like ‘God likes this’ or ‘God wants that’ all the time. I just sit there and think to myself, ‘Really? How do you know?’ That's why I got tired of the pastors at our old church always introducing preachers by asking, 'What word from the Lord do you have for us today?' I've talked with pastors who say that 'The Holy Spirit' gives them their sermon ideas- like they're not just sharing their own opinions on a subject. They give you their opinions on politics or on what the Bible says and then say that what they think is what God thinks? You mean to tell me that their personality is not going to come out in the sermon? C'mon. Seriously?"

WIFE:
“I know what you mean.”

[End of Scene 2]

[Sensing an empathetic ear, the husband begins to feel pretty good about the overall relationship with his wife, especially in regards to their communication about religious matters. He wants to continue to open up and share even more about his personal views. And while he doesn't want to jump to conclusions, he is beginning to wonder if his Christian wife may actually have a secret to share with him as well.]

To be continued...