Where My Search Leaves Me...

I am torn between my integrity and my commitment to my church. What do you do when you no longer convinced of a majority of your community's core beliefs? I try to hang in there for the people's sake- for the sake of practicing love and being accountable to others in community- but lately I've been feeling like I'm at a standstill. I don't want to disturb ideas about "God" or "ultimate reality" that others find meaningful but I also don't want to be restrained from seeking answers to my personal questions and exploring other perspectives about "truth." I struggle with this because I can't imagine evangelizing and going forth preaching certain doctrines as necessary if I am not convinced of them myself. So how does a skeptical seeker function in an church where evangelism is central? How does a skeptical seeker evangelize? Then again, maybe we don't have to. Perhaps there is more to the "good news" than doctrine and dogma. Perhaps, "the way" is about living fuller lives on the Earth as humans who think deep and love hard.