Loving Imaginary People

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.
Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”
--Thomas Merton

It is so easy to love people that don’t exist. Do you know what I mean? I’m referring to those abstract, vague, submissive, glossy, harmless people that we think of when we use words like “humanity” and “humankind.” These are the people I think of when I talk about loving both my neighbor and my enemy. They don’t bother me and don’t demand anything of me. They don’t argue with me and they appreciate everything I do for them at my own convenience. These individuals embody all the ideals that we would like to be true about our fellow human beings. These are the people you have in mind when you buy gifts for others or write a check for a charity. And these types are quite easy to trust and forgive.

When I was a kid, I had two imaginary friends because they were so easy to get along with. As an adult, I excel at loving these kinds of people. These individuals are the frequent targets of my prayers, concerns and good deeds. This is mainly because they are far easier to deal with than those smelly, irritable, apathetic, offensive, bothersome, hypocritical, hyper-sensitive, and unfaithful creatures called humans.

And that’s the sad part. These people don't exist.

You see, I am an idealist and my idealism often fools me into believing that love is easy to apply. But then reality sets in and I realize that while “love” is a feather of a word it also carries a heavy demand. Real people disappoint you and are often disappointed by you. Real people hold grudges and are often the targets of our own vengeful imaginations. Real people have keen memories of your mistakes and often come down with a severe case of selective amnesia when it comes to recognizing your virtues. These real people are the ones we ignore and then turn around and get upset with when they don't support us in our time of need. As you can see, real people make for a pretty frustrating bunch of weirdos. But the thing is these real people are just…like…me. I often find those qualities that I find most irritating in others are the same irritable qualities I discover in myself. Why is that?

Here is the paradox that I struggle with constantly. I love people that don’t exist and I suck when it comes to loving the ones that do. It takes too much energy and requires a level of attention that I would rather reserve for my own interests. Real people always call when I’m involved in something else. They always have a problem they are dealing with. They always need something. You can never satisfy them. They are too clingy and needy. Why do they act so selfishly sometimes and why do they bother with me when I am so often a jerk towards them?

Spirit of God, help me to let go of imaginary people and help me to dig deep and use my energy and patience to show sincere love to real people despite their shortcomings, inconveniences, and faults.