I had a very meaningful talk with one of my cousins this afternoon in a locally-owned café. After being estranged for almost five years we now try to get together every other month to talk about our religious ideas, scientific discoveries, and our intellectual developments. I share with him the interesting things I’m learning in my seminary classes and he hips me to the latest controversial documentary that he thinks would cater to my interests. I can imagine those café patrons who listen in to our talks think they are eavesdropping on two heretics bent on blaspheming all that is holy. I’d like to think that, in reality, they are listening to the rants of two young men fighting hard to deconstruct and de-mythologize those theological beliefs and political ideas they now consider to be faulty and harmful.
Our recent conversations have been filled with much laughter and inquiry into the mysteries of the world and the best answers we can offer at this point in our lives. Any given discussion might cover issues related to God, government, dreams, discovery, family, faith, science, spirituality, history, or heresy. We realize that our views may change over time, but for now, we speak with passion about those truths that we find most convincing.
We talked about how often people’s religious beliefs and ethical stances take form and calcify in response to perceived and actual threats, disasters and cultural change. We would dare say that this is a consistent response of humans throughout history; a way for people to assert their identities in an environment where those identities seem to be jeopardized.
We also discussed how subjective this thing called “faith” really is. We noticed how we humans have the ability to rationalize and find meaning in whatever happens to us. We noticed how often people say “praise God” when things go well and blame “the devil” when things go wrong. But what we consider a blessing might be viewed as a curse by someone else, whether they live across the street or across the globe. In this interconnected world, the products I consume and "thank God" for might also be those products that someone else is being exploited to manufacture in order to supply my demand. Pretty ironic if you ask me.
We also noticed that when it comes to faith, we often see what we choose to see and ignore those realities that we don’t want to face. We talked about how pious believers can read a religious text and gloss over the violence that occurs on its pages (often at the hands of its heroes). We also talked about how extreme skeptics can ignore any wisdom that might also be found within those texts. We both noticed how easy it is for people on different sides of a debate to view their opponent as totally ignorant and themselves as absolutely enlightened.
In light of all this, we found it interesting that many people obsessively oppose those very things they find within themselves. This is a sobering phenomenon that calls upon each of us to do some heavy self-examination. You begin to wonder: what am I opposed to and why? What am I in support of, and why?
Knowing myself, I realize that I love to rant about what I perceive to be wrong with the world. I love to talk about what the people in power are not doing to prevent or stop the rampant dehumanization, deception, destruction and death that we see manifested in global news. Yet, I’m growing tired of talking about that. I realize how I commit many of these crimes in my own way, whether I mentally dehumanize women by looking longingly at demeaning images of them on the Internet or whether my own undisciplined consumption contributes to the death and destruction of the world’s people and resources.
My concern now is finding out what I can do about these problems. Instead of ranting about what’s wrong, I’m going to do my part to make things better.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Obsessed with Knowing
I love the work of Real Live Preacher. Real Live Preacher is a blog that was started almost five years ago by a Texas pastor who began to blog anonymously with the goal of “writing honestly and well” the feelings, thoughts and doubts that he was afraid to share with his small American Baptist congregation. In 2004, he finally revealed his identity as Gordon Atkinson, a husband, father and pastor of Covenant Baptist Church in San Antonio, TX. Atkinson's heartfelt essays have consistently challenged me and moved me. In his words, I often find my own thoughts and suspicions being articulated. That is an awesome feeling. It assures you that you are not alone.
He recently wrote an essay for The Christian Century Magazine that broke my heart…in a healthy way. In his essay, “Letting Go of the Need to Know,” Atkinson addresses the compulsion that many of us "everlasting students" have: the restless pursuit of knowledge. When I first saw the title of his essay I got scared and avoided reading it until yesterday because I was sure that it contained a convicting message that I wouldn’t be ready to accept. I was right.
Here is a portion of the essay:
I’m often reminded of my limited humanity when I walk into a library. Yeah, I’d love to read the entire catalogs of certain authors and to listen to the catalogues of certain musicians. But I have to make a decision and choose those few things I feel drawn to read and listen to at this moment in time (And sometimes the choice is to simply sit still without reading or listening to anything). Atkinson’s essay reminded me that it takes wisdom to know what to focus on and what to leave behind.
The point that I came away with is this: It’s OK for us to investigate, question and pursue answers to our questions, but we also need to slow down enough to live meaningful lives in the meantime.
Please take time to read his full essay.
He recently wrote an essay for The Christian Century Magazine that broke my heart…in a healthy way. In his essay, “Letting Go of the Need to Know,” Atkinson addresses the compulsion that many of us "everlasting students" have: the restless pursuit of knowledge. When I first saw the title of his essay I got scared and avoided reading it until yesterday because I was sure that it contained a convicting message that I wouldn’t be ready to accept. I was right.
Here is a portion of the essay:
“You can be a specialist or you can be a generalist. There's not enough time to be both. If you are a generalist, there will be things you will not see no matter how much you travel. If you are a specialist, there will be tiny secrets and truths that will elude you, no matter how carefully you look. That means that no matter how you approach life, you are going to have to relax and let some things go… This is why the search for knowledge cannot bear the full weight of human desire, which includes the search for wisdom, serenity and meaning in life. These spiritual pursuits call us to slow down and let go, to accept the limits of our humanity with grace and dignity. The search and desire for anything can become an unhealthy obsession unless, somewhere along the way, you learn this.”This is a relevant message for me as tonight I will return to seminary to begin my first day of class for the fall semester. As much as I appreciate my own unique way of thinking and understanding things, I appreciate his stinging reminder that I can never know all the things I would want to know. I can easily become obsessed with a need to have all the answers. I’m 28 years old and over the past six years I have searched restlessly (like a madman) through hundreds of texts, scriptures, videos, books, blogs, papers, podcasts, audio-books, essays and encyclopedias in pursuit of a conclusive understanding of truth and reality. But the pursuit of knowledge will always and can only be an ongoing process. And even if I could take all of it in I couldn’t retain all of it.
I’m often reminded of my limited humanity when I walk into a library. Yeah, I’d love to read the entire catalogs of certain authors and to listen to the catalogues of certain musicians. But I have to make a decision and choose those few things I feel drawn to read and listen to at this moment in time (And sometimes the choice is to simply sit still without reading or listening to anything). Atkinson’s essay reminded me that it takes wisdom to know what to focus on and what to leave behind.
The point that I came away with is this: It’s OK for us to investigate, question and pursue answers to our questions, but we also need to slow down enough to live meaningful lives in the meantime.
Please take time to read his full essay.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Writing our own psalms
The psalms of the Hebrew Bible are poetic expressions of faith (and lack of faith) that have comforted, encouraged and sustained billions of faith-filled people for thousands of years. They are a collection of 150 testimonies, praises, laments, odes, and poems. If anything, they are honest. That’s what I appreciate most about them. I don’t agree with many of the Hebrew psalmist’s beliefs about God (and I don’t think that I have to) but I appreciate the fact that these ancient poets were able to articulate their thoughts in such beautiful and often brutally unfiltered forms.
I often wonder what specific situations motivated the creation of these psalms. I wonder what kind of people wrote them. I wonder how they sounded when they were originally recited and sung. It’s amazing to think that these psalms (some of which were probably written in the spur of an emotional or traumatic moment) have been preserved and are still being used over two-thousand years after they were composed.
Sometimes I imagine what a collection of modern-day psalms would look and sound like. Would we include the lyrics of the Negro spirituals and the blues? Would we include copies of the jazz riffs and notes for John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme? Would we include the lyrics of gospel or contemporary Christian praise and worship songs? Would we include the lyrics of Africa’s travelling griots? Would we include the medieval hymns of Europe, the haikus of Asia, or the mystical poetry of the Arabic people? Native American chants? Would we include song lyrics and poetry from artists and 20th century prophets such as Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, Bob Dylan, Billie Holliday, Nina Simone, Joan Baez, John Lennon, Curtis Mayfield, Marvin Gaye, Zach de la Rocha, Miguel Piñero, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Gil-Scott Heron, Oscar Brown Jr., Tracy Chapman or U2?
I would be very interested to see how such a collection might serve people two-thousand years from now. Would future generations read them in ways we wouldn’t even recognize anymore? Would future faith communities strip them of all of their authenticity and sanitize them through translation, reinterpretation and litugical use?
Many faith-filled people read the biblical Psalms with the belief that reading them will draw them closer to the heart of God. But I dare to believe that we can draw even closer to “the divine” by being honest with ourselves and writing our own psalms. Here is a psalm I wrote on the back of a piece of notebook paper while I sat alone in an empty room last Friday getting ready to give a presentation for my day job. I was tired and my mind was flooded with an intense feeling of restlessness.
I am…
Wandering. Wondering. Wavering. Wrestling.
God, if you exist, do what you do.
I won’t ask you for favors on my behalf.
I won’t demand that you act.
I won’t ask you to justify my actions or to baptize my desires.
I find it difficult to ask you to forgive me.
I just know I need to be more faithful to the people around me.
I don’t pray so you will grant my wishes.
I don’t pray that you curse those who disagree with me.
I don’t pray for your presence because, if you exist, no one can escape you anyway.
I only pray for awareness and compassion.
Awareness of who I really am.
Awareness of the creatures that I’m connected to.
Awareness of the ways in which I have brought or can bring blessing or harm to others.
I often wonder what specific situations motivated the creation of these psalms. I wonder what kind of people wrote them. I wonder how they sounded when they were originally recited and sung. It’s amazing to think that these psalms (some of which were probably written in the spur of an emotional or traumatic moment) have been preserved and are still being used over two-thousand years after they were composed.
Sometimes I imagine what a collection of modern-day psalms would look and sound like. Would we include the lyrics of the Negro spirituals and the blues? Would we include copies of the jazz riffs and notes for John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme? Would we include the lyrics of gospel or contemporary Christian praise and worship songs? Would we include the lyrics of Africa’s travelling griots? Would we include the medieval hymns of Europe, the haikus of Asia, or the mystical poetry of the Arabic people? Native American chants? Would we include song lyrics and poetry from artists and 20th century prophets such as Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, Bob Dylan, Billie Holliday, Nina Simone, Joan Baez, John Lennon, Curtis Mayfield, Marvin Gaye, Zach de la Rocha, Miguel Piñero, Ben Harper, Bob Marley, Gil-Scott Heron, Oscar Brown Jr., Tracy Chapman or U2?
I would be very interested to see how such a collection might serve people two-thousand years from now. Would future generations read them in ways we wouldn’t even recognize anymore? Would future faith communities strip them of all of their authenticity and sanitize them through translation, reinterpretation and litugical use?
Many faith-filled people read the biblical Psalms with the belief that reading them will draw them closer to the heart of God. But I dare to believe that we can draw even closer to “the divine” by being honest with ourselves and writing our own psalms. Here is a psalm I wrote on the back of a piece of notebook paper while I sat alone in an empty room last Friday getting ready to give a presentation for my day job. I was tired and my mind was flooded with an intense feeling of restlessness.
I am…
Wandering. Wondering. Wavering. Wrestling.
God, if you exist, do what you do.
I won’t ask you for favors on my behalf.
I won’t demand that you act.
I won’t ask you to justify my actions or to baptize my desires.
I find it difficult to ask you to forgive me.
I just know I need to be more faithful to the people around me.
I don’t pray so you will grant my wishes.
I don’t pray that you curse those who disagree with me.
I don’t pray for your presence because, if you exist, no one can escape you anyway.
I only pray for awareness and compassion.
Awareness of who I really am.
Awareness of the creatures that I’m connected to.
Awareness of the ways in which I have brought or can bring blessing or harm to others.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Missing in Action
Allow me to explain why I haven’t blogged in a while. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on my next step in life. But there have also been some really good developments lately.
Career wise: I was recently asked to do some freelance writing for my seminary’s alumni magazine (Hey, it’s a start). This is actually my first paid freelance assignment and I am excited about the thought of a career in writing. So far I have written six articles for them. I’ve also been able to secure quite a bit of media exposure for my church and the ministries that I am somewhat connected to.
Family wise: My grandfather is recovering well from the stroke he had back in May. Also, next week I’ll be helping my younger brother move to Cleveland to live with our mother (who has been clean and sober for the past two years).
I would classify all the above as good things. But the creative energy of my mind has been drained by the following issues:
- Wondering how I fit in my church and in my Christian band when my future with both hinges on how we deal with the fact that my current views about God, Jesus and the Bible are quite different from the majority of members.
- Articulating a written credo to clarify my convictions for both for myself and for those closest to me.
- Wondering if I will have sufficient availability and finances to continue my seminary studies this semester.
- Wondering if the cost of my education is worth the emotional and financial tension it is causing to some of my friends and family members.
- Wondering what career I should pursue considering my interests and abilities (journalism, writing, cartooning, ministry, teaching, travelling artist, etc.)
- Figuring out a plan to move from full-time employee to full-time student by January 2008.
- Trying to balance all of my commitments while also starting back on sketching illustrations and producing artwork.
- Wrestling with the theological and philosophical questions and doubts that constantly invade my thoughts.
- The fact that I haven’t really prayed (or believed in the power of prayer) in months.
Right now, these are the things which worry and overwhelm my mind (although I know Jesus said "don't worry"). But I also can’t help but wonder how different (and pathetic) my list must look compared the burdens that others carry as they try to struggle under the threat of death, sickness, war, poverty and abuse. My concerns must seem trifling compared to theirs, but this is honestly where I am and what I am wrestling with. If my creative energies are being misdirected then I hope that I will grow to focus on issues and causes that are more worthy of my attention. Until then I press on and work with what is before me.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
The Risky Path of the Truth-Seeker
I am troubled by what seems to be anti-intellectualism amongst Christians. And Scriptures like Colossians 2:8 (about not being persuaded by deceptive philosophies) are troubling for me. Why? Because my studies indicate that ancient philosophers and theologians are largely responsible for much of what is now considered a mainstream understanding of the Christian faith. Ideas about God being "omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent” are concepts and terms rooted in ancient Greek philosophy. Doctrines like “original sin” and “atonement theory” were born from philosopher/theologians like Augustine and Anselm of Canterbury. Christianity began incorporating these and other philosophies as it spread throughout surrounding cultures.
However, I find it interesting and ironic that- in our modern age- those who claim to live by "biblical principles" also make entensive use of these "philosophical" ideas which have little to no basis in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures. To reference Colossians 2:8, I can definitely see how many of these philosophies have obscured and distorted the life and teachings of Jesus throughout the past two millenia.
It seems that many biblical literalists only want to be informed by those intellectuals, philosophers and scientists whose findings reinforce the doctrines and beliefs that they want to defend. It's like Martin Luther King, Jr. said in his essay, “Tough-Mind, Tender-Heart”:
To the contrary, there are those who desire to follow Jesus but who cannot seem to find encouragement in their congregations to apply critical thinking to their study of the Bible and the traditional doctrines of the Christian faith. I want to follow the essential teachings of Jesus, but not at the expense of abandoning my own ability to think, discern and reason. I don’t want to be forced to accept as literal any mythological stories and abstract doctrines that have proven to be founded on some ancient person’s misunderstanding, personal agenda, or limited knowledge. I don’t want to find myself feeling threatened by scientific discoveries just because they may contradict what I think the Bible says. And I definitely don’t want to damn most of the world’s people to hell because they don’t share a specific set of doctrinal beliefs.
I struggle with the idea that God is displeased when humans think critically about their beliefs. I suspect that many beliefs branded as necessary to the Christian faith are really additions added for various reasons which include control, conquest, categorization, and conversion…not because they were originally part of Jesus’ message.
Yes, I have to be on guard as to not let pride and bitterness consume me, but I have a conviction that seeking the truth is a good thing (although many of us would disagree as to what is meant by "the truth"). I am on a mission to find out what is really essential to the Christian faith…or better yet: what is essential to seeking God and following the way of Jesus (and what is not!).
I understand the concern of church members and I agree that the path of the seeker is a risky path. But I don’t want to fear the truth or any “new truth.” I want to hear different perspectives. I listen in hopes that my ideas about God might be enlarged and enlightened (although many would probably say that I am now "blind" and in the dark). Yes, I have flirted with my own disbelief to the point that a lot of atheists and agnostics make a lot of sense. And I suspect that they will continue to make sense as long as we Christians continue to preach a message that often comes off as irrelevant, ill-founded and outdated.
Maybe I am too skeptical and maybe I have grown too suspicious, but I want to believe that God wants us to exercise discernment and reason. Where do I go from here? I don’t know. But I have faith that I am being guided towards something worthwhile. I am encouraged by the lives of those who went through similar searches for "the truth": Thomas Jefferson, Marcus Borg, Eric Elnes, Alice Walker, Karen Armstrong, Krista Tippett, Martin Luther King, Jr., Thomas Merton, Mohandas K. Gandhi, Malcolm X, James Cone, Bart Ehrman, Thomas Paine, Bishop John Shelby Spong, and Jacques Kriel...to name a few.
I realize that I might be remembered among the most foolish people in history but I also realize that I might be right where I need to be. I still think I am onto something. The scary thing is that my pursuit of truth may cost me more than I ever expected to give. I just pray my journey leaves me with a tough mind and a tender heart.
However, I find it interesting and ironic that- in our modern age- those who claim to live by "biblical principles" also make entensive use of these "philosophical" ideas which have little to no basis in the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures. To reference Colossians 2:8, I can definitely see how many of these philosophies have obscured and distorted the life and teachings of Jesus throughout the past two millenia.
It seems that many biblical literalists only want to be informed by those intellectuals, philosophers and scientists whose findings reinforce the doctrines and beliefs that they want to defend. It's like Martin Luther King, Jr. said in his essay, “Tough-Mind, Tender-Heart”:
Soft-mindedness often invades religion. This is why religion has sometimes rejected new truth with dogmatic passion. Through edicts and bulls, inquisitions and excommunications, the church has attempted to prorogue truth and place and impenetrable stone wall in the path of the truth-seeker. The historical-philological criticism of the Bible is considered by the soft-minded as blasphemous, and reason is often looked upon as the exercise of a corrupt faculty…Yes, using reason is often seen by many Christians as “the exercise of a corrupt faculty.” But why? Many caring Christians fear that if we question too much we will threaten our faith and lose our connection with God. They fear that we will lose belief or our “spiritual foundation.” I have heard them say things like, “I just believe the Bible...I don’t question it…The Bible is always right…The biblical writers were directed by God…If anything is wrong then I must be reading it wrong.”
To the contrary, there are those who desire to follow Jesus but who cannot seem to find encouragement in their congregations to apply critical thinking to their study of the Bible and the traditional doctrines of the Christian faith. I want to follow the essential teachings of Jesus, but not at the expense of abandoning my own ability to think, discern and reason. I don’t want to be forced to accept as literal any mythological stories and abstract doctrines that have proven to be founded on some ancient person’s misunderstanding, personal agenda, or limited knowledge. I don’t want to find myself feeling threatened by scientific discoveries just because they may contradict what I think the Bible says. And I definitely don’t want to damn most of the world’s people to hell because they don’t share a specific set of doctrinal beliefs.
I struggle with the idea that God is displeased when humans think critically about their beliefs. I suspect that many beliefs branded as necessary to the Christian faith are really additions added for various reasons which include control, conquest, categorization, and conversion…not because they were originally part of Jesus’ message.
Yes, I have to be on guard as to not let pride and bitterness consume me, but I have a conviction that seeking the truth is a good thing (although many of us would disagree as to what is meant by "the truth"). I am on a mission to find out what is really essential to the Christian faith…or better yet: what is essential to seeking God and following the way of Jesus (and what is not!).
I understand the concern of church members and I agree that the path of the seeker is a risky path. But I don’t want to fear the truth or any “new truth.” I want to hear different perspectives. I listen in hopes that my ideas about God might be enlarged and enlightened (although many would probably say that I am now "blind" and in the dark). Yes, I have flirted with my own disbelief to the point that a lot of atheists and agnostics make a lot of sense. And I suspect that they will continue to make sense as long as we Christians continue to preach a message that often comes off as irrelevant, ill-founded and outdated.
Maybe I am too skeptical and maybe I have grown too suspicious, but I want to believe that God wants us to exercise discernment and reason. Where do I go from here? I don’t know. But I have faith that I am being guided towards something worthwhile. I am encouraged by the lives of those who went through similar searches for "the truth": Thomas Jefferson, Marcus Borg, Eric Elnes, Alice Walker, Karen Armstrong, Krista Tippett, Martin Luther King, Jr., Thomas Merton, Mohandas K. Gandhi, Malcolm X, James Cone, Bart Ehrman, Thomas Paine, Bishop John Shelby Spong, and Jacques Kriel...to name a few.
I realize that I might be remembered among the most foolish people in history but I also realize that I might be right where I need to be. I still think I am onto something. The scary thing is that my pursuit of truth may cost me more than I ever expected to give. I just pray my journey leaves me with a tough mind and a tender heart.
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