Callings & Convictions

Are we following God's calling or are we following our own convictions?

Throughout the past several years, I have heard numerous religious people make bold claims about what they believe God has “called” them to do. Throughout human history there have been countless individuals from various faith traditions who were utterly convinced that they heard a direct word from the Creator of the Universe that commanded them to perform a particular action. All of this sounds inspiring until it hits close to home and you start hearing conflicting reports between two well intentioned people who both claim that God has spoken to them.

I have grown skeptical of such claims. I now realize that humans can’t help but be somewhat subjective when it comes to interpreting an objective fact. Just because a person claims that they heard from God doesn’t mean that what they are claiming is true. This is why it is so difficult to trust people who make bold claims of divine sanction and absolute authority.

Sometimes, I think people use the phrases “God told me” and/or “God called me” as the ultimate trump cards to simultaneously silence their critics and stamp divine authority onto their viewpoints. In fact, it makes my skin crawl when I hear phrases like this. I have said similar things before and I regret having done so, but because this irritates me so, I have stopped making such claims. There are many psychological factors that influence our perception of things.

Oftentimes, I think our perceptions are determined when we see what we were already looking for, instead of seeing what is really there. Here, I recall serving on a jury last Fall when the prosecutor challenged us with a test of our observation skills. He asked us to take one minute to look around the courtroom and to memorize as many red-colored objects as we could. A minute later he asked us to close our eyes and keep them closed as we told him about all the red-colored objects we saw. We mentioned dozens of objects including the ear-rings of one juror, the slender second-hand on the courtroom clock, and the fire alarm in the back of the room. We felt secure that we were keen observers. Our eyes were still shut when he asked us if we could recall any objects that were blue. We sat in silence with our closed eyes racking our memories for images of blue objects. After an extended period of awkward silence, the prosecutor asked us to open our eyes. We were shocked at how many blue objects we failed to notice even though many of them were right in front of our faces. That exercise reinforced my belief that we often see what we want to see. We are all guilty of this.

I have been in conversations where a group of people are trying to make a controversial decision. Many of us want to make wise decisions and so we trust the counsel of those we respect. These might be our friends, our families, our elders, our favorite authors, our heroes or those who agree with us.

I have found that in some cases, people won’t trust you unless you can make a claim that God gave you the stamp of approval. Such claims of authority give power to words that would otherwise have fallen on deaf ears. You probably won’t gain much of a hearing if say, “Hello, I have some ideas and opinions I wanted to share with you based on what I’ve read and experienced.” People who use phrases like that just don’t command attention and authority like the special person who can say, “Behold, God came to me in a vision and told me to tell you this!” and end it with a “…Thus saith the Lord!”

A classmate of mine recently told me about a young lady who attended our seminary who also grew skeptical of all the “God told me” talk. During the years she was working on her Master’s of Divinity she had brief courtships with four different gentlemen who each told her that God told them to marry her. Needless to say, she didn’t marry any of them. Put off by their comments and the implications of what their comments said about the nature of God, truth, and revelation…she grew skeptical and eventually stopped believing in this kind of God altogether.

This kind of “God told me” talk, while meaningful for many, has begun to sound like madness to me. We can’t be careless with our words and I hope that I am not being careless with mine.

I have come to believe that while many of us act off of claims of having a divine calling, I believe our actions are driven by the fact we have a human conviction. We may have a conviction about what our experience has led us to believe is right or pleasing to God, but this does not mean that God called us to do anything.

I wonder if it is less of an issue of God “calling” us to do something and more of an issue that we want to do something that we believe is important. Is it really just a matter of making a commitment in response to what we perceive as the needs of the world? Some want to feed the starving masses. Others want to save souls. Others will seek to defend the oppressed. Others will seek to liberate others through education.

Is it a coincidence that those who have seen the suffering of starving children often go into a life of humanitarian aid while those who think the world is dark and fallen and in need of a savior consider “soul-saving” to be the highest priority?

I have several friends who have accepted their “call” into the pastoral ministry. They tell me that they went into the ministry because they had a heart for "lost souls." I believe that they are passionate about what they believe. These are some of the most loving guys I’ve ever met. But I can't help but wonder if they are responding to a divine calling or if they are operating out of their own convictions as to what they should commit their lives to.

Ultimately, while I still remain skeptical of the “God told me” talk, I think that people who truly believe that God communicated a particular message directly to them should instead say “I believe God told me” something. I’ve heard it said recently, “Be careful about telling people what God said, because someone might believe you.”

I look at myself and realize that, for better or for worse, I am driven mostly by my personal convictions. One of my convictions is the idea that oftentimes the callings that we really need to respond to are as simple as the voiced needs of our neighbors.

I'd rather be a good neighbor

Why are so many of us obsessed with the idea that we need to engage in constant combat with someone or something outside of ourselves? Why do so many of us only find ourselves uniting with others when we share a common enemy? Don’t we realize that this “warrior approach” only demonizes others and makes enemies out of those we are called to love and build relationships with? Have we not noticed our tendency to succumb to the tribal instincts within us that tempt us to classify unique and complex individuals into simplistic categories of “us” and “them”, enemy and ally?

Over the years I have heard many “church folk” talk excitedly about being either a prayer warrior, a soldier in the army of the Lord, or bearing the armor of God in battle with the spiritual forces of darkness. I realize that this is metaphorical language that uses military terms to communicate spiritual ideas. But I think many believers have literalized these terms and have adopted a tribal view of the world where those who are different from them are seen as enemies that need to be conquered, colonized, condemned or converted.

Over the last few weeks I finally realized two important things about myself. First off, I’m not at all interested in being a warrior. I would rather devote my energies towards being a good neighbor. I would rather live my life as someone who is humble before mystery, helpful towards others and honest with myself.

I think that is what the needs of the world call for. I don’t think anything fruitful can come from bloody battles in the name of terror and territory. If anything, I think the most important battles that we need to engage in are those psychological ones taking place in our own minds between the selfless and selfish aspects of our thoughts and actions.

Don’t get me wrong. I have seen enough to convince me that evil "walks the earth" as a real and destructive force in the world, but I don't consider it to be a cosmic being nor do I think we can vanquish it by destroying it or those who commit acts of cruelty towards others. I see evil as a manifestation of the dark sides of our own personalities and an energy that needs to be redirected into something constructive.

When I look at how modern nations seek to deal with the threat of terrorism, I notice that we spend too much energy dealing with the symptoms and not enough energy dealing with the root causes of what makes a terrorist. If they are hungry, they need bowls not bombs. If they are resentful and hurt, the last thing they need is for us to kill them or their loved ones and give them yet another justified reason to hate us. We are foolish to think that we can eliminate the threat of terrorism by becoming terrorists ourselves.

I am amazed by the fact that in our interconnected world community there are those of us who continue to believe that killing and torturing other people will make us more secure. I don’t think warriors have what it takes to vanquish terrorism. Weapons of force and intimidation are ultimately powerless when it comes to changing the human heart. Instead, I believe that our hearts of stone will only be softened by acts of compassion, empathy, hospitality, mercy and forgiveness. These are the “weapons” of the neighbor- the only weapons that can bring healing.

The second thing I realized about myself that I am more interested in having conversations than forcing conversions. The conversations I enjoy are not those that seek to manipulate and defeat others, but those which serve as opportunities to learn about others. Mind you, I think conversion (a change of mind and heart) is very often a good thing. But the decision to convert should be an individual’s free choice, not the result of manipulation or compulsion. We can’t change or control people’s minds or behaviors. We can only be ourselves and hope that in doing so we can influence others in constructive ways.

I think, in most cases, warriors and neighbors both seek to make the world a better place. But I don’t think that any good will come from efforts to dehumanize or destroy those who see life from a different perspective than we do. I guess it boils down to at least two very different ways of interacting with those we consider strangers. If we are focused on being neighbors then we will likely view strangers as new people to meet and experience. On the other hand, if we are focused on being warriors then it seems we will fear strangers as see them as threats that need to be eliminated.

I don’t believe any of us have the right to condemn or destroy anyone else. This is my conviction even though the Bible contains many different and sometimes conflicting images of God which would seem to say otherwise. But when I read the Gospel stories I find Jesus encouraging his listeners to love God and be merciful neighbors, not merciless warriors. Jesus sent his disciples (students) out into the world as vulnerable sheep amongst vicious wolves, arming themselves only with love, and commanding them to be as "wise as a serpent and as harmless as a dove" (Matthew 10:16).

"Must I write?" (A question to ask myself)

This afternoon I stopped by a local coffee house on my lunch break and ran into Casey, a local artist I regularly see around my city. He is also an entreprenuer. He talked to me about how he decided to go into business for himself in ways that could support his family (wife and two children) and fulfill what he feels is his "calling." I told him how much I admired such commitment. We talked for awhile and he told me about the times when things get tough and how one has to just push through them with faith, creativity, and determination. The conversation left me with hope and the knowledge that I had some "soul-searching" to do and some commitments to make.

Call it confirmation, but later this afternoon, I paid a visit to the website of another local artist I admire. On his website he wrote a journal entry about his recent decision to live intentionally and focus exclusively on producing music which means that he would also be forced to let go of a majority of other commitments he had picked up in recent years. In his journal entry he cited a passage from the writings of Ranier Maria Rilke that had a profound impact on his thinking during this transitional phase of his life. Rilke's words also resonated with me as I go through my own risky period of transition and growth.

Yes, quiet time is needed to figure these things out.
Yes, risks are involved in such decisions.
Yes, we must listen to that voice deep within us.
Yes, we must find an answer and build our lives around it.

Ranier Maria Rilke writes,

"This above all-ask yourself
in the stillest hour of the night: must I write?
Delve yourself for a deep answer.
And if this should be affirmative,
if you may meet this earnest question
with a strong and simple "I must,"
then build your life according to this necessity;
your life even into its most indifferent and slightest hour
must be a sign of this urge, and a testimony to it.
Then draw near to Nature.
Then try, like some first human being,
to say what you see and experience and love and lose."

POEM: "Witness"

I wrote this poem right before New Year Eve's 2007. It's one of the few poems I have written in the past few years so it contains alot of ideas that I wanted to "unpack." I've performed it a couple of times throughout my city at various coffee shops and churches. It was inspired by what I have come to see as one of the best witnesses to the world about the message of Jesus: a transformed life that is marked by compassion for those who suffer and struggle.

Behold and bear witness
to systems designed to victimize the blind.
What will it take to fix this?

Prayer, yes…
but prayer alone
is like living off air alone.

You see,
whether you’re conservative or liberal,
whether you read the Bible critical or take it literal
the hardest part is making it physical
Let the Gospel become flesh
and challenge the rulers who build their empires
with the blood of the same people they consider inferior and invisible

Pardon the interruption,
but the human heart is filled with so much corruption
we’ve got hearts of stone, even my own
I can feel that the war is on en mi corazón
Evil still sits on the throne.
No one’s good but God alone.

And that’s enough to make me suspicious.
We're like sheep sent to live with the wolves,
the vulnerable amongst the vicious
Not violent, but not silent when facing the evils of men
The dark side of imagination and free-will, the evil within
Who’s our worst enemy?
Is it really an invisible demon wearing a devilish grin,
or is it our own selfish and hard heart
willing to do whatever to win?

Look at Pharaoh
Now, who took an arrow, shot us and got us
willing to rape, kill and cheat for things we don't need
Exploiting our sisters and brothers,
selling our souls and sacrificing their lives
on the altar of greed.
Halt the stampede!
Where will this road lead?
And what kind of seed do we expect to start bloomin'
when we demonize God’s children
and treat them like they’re less than human?

When we raise our children to become mindless consumers,
mere cogs and gears, in a machine
that profits off of our insecurities, addictions and fears
Fears of each other and of the unknown
Take the cover off of this syndrome
and fight the temptation to become bitter and heartless

Lord, deliver us from the evil that haunts us
I pray that we never get too used to the darkness
or get so used to wickedness and injustice
that we eventually become their accomplice
If the Spirit of God blows where it wishes,
then I pray it breathes new life into my conscience
I'm just an artist trying my hardest
to plant my seeds of light for the harvest

Lord, make us wise as serpents,
so we can detect lies with discernment
Make us harmless as doves,
armed with Your love
On a rescue mission, fishin’ in these dark waters
on the lookout for
prodigal sons and fathers,
lost mothers and daughters
Little boys
living and dying by the weapons of violence
Little girls
believing the lie that they’re only good for their sexual talents
This world is off balance and it’s time to break silence
with a witness…that this is…

going to take a miracle
like feeding thousands
with a few loaves and fishes
when we've got people in need of housing
food, clothes and dishes
Victims with wounds so deep
that they need to be healed with more than stitches
People need hope, ya’ll…
more than four-leaf clover wishes

Because corrupt corporations and governments
aren’t run by monsters
They’re supported by everyday people, like us
just going about our everyday business
desensitized to the crimes that we witness
God forgive us,
for not asking questions
or investigating the fruits of our labor
Who does it effect?
Who does it hurt?
Who does it endanger?

God forgive us,
for being more concerned with a pay raise
and what looks good on our résumés
meanwhile we treat Your children and Your creations
like strays and throwaways
I pray for better days
Help us find a way out of this maze

where dreams can die in a child's head
because they’re malnutritious
because they’re not being fed,
hopelessness blinding their vision
where children idolize killers and criminal-minded magicians
who can take a pocket full of stones (drugs)
and turn them into bread,
then turn that bread into homes
and turn those same homes into haunted houses
where the living dead roam.

At midnight,
junkies and addicts turn into zombies and wicked witches
casting spells on themselves
and manipulating their own families to get their fixes
Imprisoned in their own personal hell,
like a prison cell
locked from the inside when the key is right in front of them
but their disease just keeps on numbing' them…
And we ask: “Jesus! What can be done for them?”
What can we do?
How can we help?

Well,
we can’t hide behind stained glass windows and white fences,
We’ve got to get in the trenches,
we can't just be critics that boo from the benches
We’ve got a choice, we can either build up walls or build bridges
Get involved or die with good intentions

Yes, we’re sinners but we don’t plan to surrender
Let’s bring the truth to the center
and tell the whole story so the people remember
A witness…that this is…not the Creator’s intent
but a witness…that this is…a call for us all to repent.

God’s Image and the gods we Imagine

I think we invent our own Gods. I say this partly because we all worship something, be it a person, a material thing, a spiritual being or an ideal of how we think life should be. The Book of Genesis says that God made man and woman in God’s image. But could it also be possible that throughout the ages these same men and women have created our own images of God? We see this happen in both the Bible and in world history. And I do it too. Most people who believe in God come up with metaphors to explain how we understand God. But it gets tricky when we start to literalize these metaphors and create worldviews out of them. To paraphrase a point made by author Karen Armstrong, this gets dangerous because we make images of God where God likes who or what we like and hates who or what we hate. If we can throw God’s name on it, then we can justify almost anything we want to do…whether it be God’s will or not.

We also see this happen with Jesus. For nearly 2,000 years many of us have created images of Jesus that fit within our personal agendas. Can’t you imagine what the toy aisles at department stores would look like if they carried the following action-figures? Collect them all. You’ve got your Camp-Counselor Jesus, your Sugar Daddy Jesus, your Prayer Warrior Jesus, your Hippie Jesus, your Beatnik Jesus, your Dreadlocked Jesus, your Blue-Eyed Jesus, your Civil Rights Jesus, your Gun-Toting Jesus, your Rock Star Jesus, your Stained Glass Jesus, your Fire & Brimstone Jesus, your Bible-Thumping Jesus (complete with his church suit), and your Hollywood Jesus (who speaks with a British accent).

Will the real Jesus please stand up? Or should I say “rise up?” And may we seek to know God and follow Jesus in the way that they are and not how we want them to be.